Give to Get

Notice how everyone loves David—everyone but Saul. Saul’s problem is twofold. First, he’s consumed by jealousy. He sees David’s success as his own failure, and that makes it impossible for him to love David. Jealousy thrives on fear and insecurity. In a jealous mind, someone else’s win feels like your loss, and that kind of thinking poisons relationships.

Saul’s second problem is his transactional approach to relationships. He only brings David close because of what David can do for him. Saul’s version of friendship is what we might call “Give to Get.” It’s not real friendship; it’s a transaction. Saul’s loyalty is conditional—it’s only there as long as he stands to benefit.

Here’s the hard truth: you find out what kind of friend you are when your friend has nothing left to offer. Are you still there when they run out of something to give you? If you see yourself in Saul, take heart. There’s hope in Christ. He has the power to change your heart, to free you from jealousy, and to teach you how to give yourself away in love. His example points us to Jonathan.

Ride or Die

Jonathan was the prince of Israel, a daring and magnificent warrior. He once killed 20 Philistines in a single ambush (1 Samuel 14). But here’s the curious thing: when Goliath threatened Israel, Jonathan didn’t step up. David did. We don’t know why Jonathan didn’t fight that battle, but we know how he responded to David’s victory. Jonathan could have seen David as a rival, someone who outshone him. But instead of making an enemy, he made a friend.

You always have that choice. You can make friends or enemies. Any person close enough to hate is close enough to love. The tragic thing is how often we choose to make enemies instead of friends. Jonathan shows us a better way. His soul was “knit” to David’s—a bond so deep that he loved David as himself. At the end of your life, if people say you were a good friend, wouldn’t that be the ultimate praise?

Being a true friend means being a “ride-or-die” friend. The phrase “ride or die” originated in biker culture, but it’s come to mean being completely loyal and committed, no matter the challenges. Jonathan’s friendship with David was marked by radical loyalty. Proverbs 27:10 says, “Never abandon a friend.” Psalm 15:3-4 adds that true friends refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors and keep their promises even when it hurts. That’s the kind of sacrificial love Jonathan demonstrated.

Get Close

Jonathan loved David as he loved himself, and he showed it by getting close. If I love you like I love me, then I’ll celebrate your victories as if they were my own. I’ll share your burdens like they were mine. But here’s the thing: getting close always involves risk. If someone is close enough to love you, they’re close enough to hurt you. If they’re not close enough to hurt you, they’re not close enough to love you either. There is no love without risk. Just ask Jesus.

Jonathan didn’t just feel close to David; he demonstrated it. He gave David his royal robe, armor, sword, and belt. These weren’t just gifts; they were symbols. Jonathan’s actions signified that David was more worthy, that David was destined to ascend to a greater position. Jonathan voluntarily stepped aside so David could rise. He decreased so David could increase. And here’s the beautiful part: Jonathan wasn’t bitter. He was happy.

What Kind of Friend Are You?

At the heart of all this is a simple question: what kind of friend are you? Are you like Saul, who saw relationships as transactions? Or are you like Jonathan, who loved sacrificially, gave freely, and stayed loyal no matter what?

Jesus is the ultimate “ride-or-die” friend. He gave his life for us, loving us to the very end. His example shows us how to love deeply, give selflessly, and risk vulnerability to build lasting friendships. So, who in your life needs that kind of love from you today? What step can you take this week to be the kind of friend who sticks closer than family?

By Pastor Tim